5 Things (NEw) Moms Don’t want to hear

Hi there! I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for being you and for checking out my blog. You could be doing anything but here you are with me. I honestly appreciate your support.

As a mother of a 3 year and 1 year old, there are certain comments that I have heard and will probably continue to hear from others. For some reason, some people just don’t know how to speak to people and forget that mothers are human beings who just don’t need to be reminded that their womanhood is constantly being judged by society. So this may come off as a rant but I assure that my goal is to educate and hopefully help you be more sensitive to your new mom friend or loved one. And if you’ve been on the receiving end of these comments, I know how you feel.

Mind you this may not apply to every mom you meet but most of it will. Also just because this new mom is your BFF or relative, it doesn’t make your words any less hurtful. Moms go through a lot and the last thing we need is to be reminded that we are not the way we were. Believe me, WE KNOW!

  1. You look tired! – Wow! I wonder what gave it away. How puffy my eyes are? The dull look on my face? The fact that the life and well being of my children depends on my being available 24/7 without any days of or reprieve. Or that no matter how hard I try to relax when someone actually decides to take care of my children, my brain won’t stop imagining the absolute worst case scenario to remind me that I am helpless when it comes to the constant worrying over my children’s life. Please just bring me coffee and shut up. It better be the good kind too and not that crappy cheap stuff too. Thank you!
  2. You should breastfeed/bottle feed/feed more/feed less– Unless you are ready to be put in your place, keep your comments to yourself. Unless you are a licensed health care professional with backed scientific knowledge that will greatly improve the quality of life for the child that I literally just pushed out of my vagina in the presence of the designated people just keep it moving. You can not out love my child. It’s not possible. When the baby was in my womb, the baby grew and thrived. This baby is my responsibility and until you see signs of neglect or abuse just don’t go there. My baby is fed and happy and thriving.
  3. You should do something with your baby’s hair– Says who?! Hair grows and falls out naturally. The state of my child’s hair is hardly cause for concern unless (again!) licensed health care professional sees an underlying medical concern that needs to be addressed. Hair comes and grows. Whether I put barrettes or braid his/her hair is not going to affect the state of my child’s well being. It’s better to raise happy children who are confident in the way they look as opposed to pleasing the society’s status quo as to what a child should look like.
  4. How come you’re not losing weight? – A mother’s body …let me rephrase a woman’s body is not anybody’s source of visual entertainment. Her body, her choice. Furthermore, mothers have a hard time accepting the new body she has obtained, for crying out loud, give her time to appreciate the level of efficacy at which her entire reproductive organs have worked alongside with the rest of her body to maintain her and another human’s life. The execution with such precision that she can and will do again (if God sees it fit) is enough to celebrate that without the scrutiny of some loose skin and excess fat. AND BY THE WAY, that excess fat is tremendously important in the well being and safe keeping of that baby during it’s time in the womb. Did you think she’d push it out along with the baby and the placenta?! Every woman is different and every journey is equally different. Just feed her and tell her she’s beautifully amazing because she is. Don’t forget the cookies!
  5. Enjoy it while it last!– I want to, I really want to but I AM TIRED!!!!! There’s not enough coffee to keep me sane during this time. I don’t sleep, my body doesn’t match what my brain says I should look like, my kids need me, my husband needs me, I need me and I look and smell like the swamp thing except I just reek of body odor. What’s to enjoy? Sleeplessness? Let me dial it back. Yes they are cute and yes I love them to pieces. Yes they complete a part of me that I didn’t know I had. I love it but let a sister vent without the condemnation. If you miss it so much you’d have a baby in your house right now, keeping you and your household awake too. But guess what? You know their cuteness is a trap just as much as I do. So how about we “enjoy” this frustrating moment of motherhood.

Looking back at this post I clearly had some underlying frustrations that I needed to release. Unfortunately, these comments usually come from people who mean well and actually are looking out for our best interest. That in itself is really annoying because it hurts more. You figure they would know better but turns out they don’t.

How do you think I got here?

Did I miss a comment? Let me know in the comment section.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

I think it goes without saying that some days are better than others.

It’s true in life in general but when your hormones are trying to find their way back to normal, after housing a human being for 9 months. Let’s not forget, while functioning and being available to those who need you and rely on you for everything …

well…

It’s been a month since I’ve given birth. That means I have a 1 month old who needs my attention in ways she did not need before. I’ve got a toddler who needs me to be her mother and a husband who just needs me.

What’s worse is that ever since we’ve returned from the hospital, my toddler has now picked up a new habit. She now wets the bed. I’ve figured out the times at which this is likely to happen so it’s fixable but the problem is…I’ve got a newborn keeping me awake at night.

Talk about a transition for the whole family.

Although my husband has been extremely supportive and attentive to my mental health and it’s been a major blessing, there are things he can’t fix. Some of them are triggers for those rough days.

You know, the days when you just need a moment to yourself on the bathroom floor to cry out of exhaustion, shame and guilt. Those are the rough days I’m talking about. Today was one of them.

I woke up tired,

saw another pee stain,

do a load of laundry,

worry about how much the water bill will be,

ignore the whiny toddler who wants ice cream for breakfast,

make sure to pick the screaming newborn who suddenly remembered my presence is required,

get that coffee machine going,

ignore the dirty kitchen,

the leftover socks are still on the floor?!

when is my maternity leave benefits kicking in?

I lost it on the toddler, I have to do better!

Nevermind, everything is ruined…

When it gets like that, I just do nothing. I refocus my energy on being the kind of mother my babies need. Screw everything else. My husband knows this. Today he made dinner after work without hesitation. He knows. He’s that good.

Some days are better than others. However the day goes, we are a team. We’ll get through the transition together.

 

Baby No.2: Fears?

As excited as I am, I think that there is such a responsibility placed on parents today that we can’t help but feel anxious. Sometimes if we don’t address it fears tend to overpower our excitement of the future. We are a family of 3 and soon we will be a family of 4…

I love my little family of 3. I love what we have become. I love how easy we flow and how well we understand one another, for the most part. Every day is an adventure where we can grow into the humans God created us to be.

In our home, mistakes are made but rectified. We apologize willingly and sincerely even when we have no idea what we’re apologizing for. There is grace to grow despite the frustration of growing pains. We accept constructive criticisms and are willing to take it ourselves without compromising our way of life. We have become home. So why am I so scared for the arrival of the second baby?

I’ve done it before. I’ve been here before, haven’t I?

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The truth is I haven’t. Who am I kidding? I had one precious little girl and she was amazing. I needed to do the work and she’s still amazing. But this time, I will be dealing with another baby. This baby could very well be a different baby, with different wants, needs, mannerisms and dreams. Who knows? Well I know. This baby is different.

Let’s not forget the fact that my firstborn will be in for a surprise when she realizes that Mommy is not just her Mommy but someone else’s too. She won’t be sharing my attention with Daddy anymore but with another who depends on me for more than just potty help and story time fun.

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In all honesty, what scares me the most is that I won’t be able to handle the two. That I will somehow be less than a good mom to my firstborn. I’m afraid that she will feel neglected because of the new baby. I’m also afraid that the new baby won’t have all of me because my daughter was here first and she still needs me. I’m afraid that I will be too tired to function like I should.

Most importantly, I’m afraid that I will change in a way that causes my marriage to suffer. At the end of the day, my husband is my partner for life. He will do his very best to make sure that he does his part but will it be enough? Is there enough of me to keep everyone happy?

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This is where I have to trust God. Everyone already has an opinion as to what should be done and how it should be done. Believe me, my husband and I have heard and still hear a good bit of it. It’s disheartening sometimes because as much as we believe in our abilities to do this, we’re still fighting our own insecurities. Sometimes we take it out on each other and most of the time we hurt ourselves. These are behaviours we don’t want our children to model.

But, if God can appoint us to be life partners to one another and parents to our children it’s because we have the ability and capacity to do so. It won’t be easy but we will do it. It will be messy but we will clean it up. We will show up everyday and do better until our time is up.

I will not lie to you I am scared yet I can hear God in the early mornings tell me, “You’re ok. It’s gonna be ok.” With that I get up, show up and be me for my family.