Pandemic Parenting…a year later

What does parenting during a pandemic look like? To be honest it’s different for every single parent. Some have found their strides and are managing it quite well. For the rest of us that is not the case. I speak from a personal point of view, so it’s assume that I don’t speak for the majority of moms.

This time last year, I was on maternity leave for my second born. So my paycheck was guaranteed for the next few months. Mind you it wasn’t much but it gave me enough time to build my social media brand and to really come to terms with what I wanted to do. Did I want to be a full time stay at home mom? Did I really want to be a social media content creator? Could I thrive at both? But most importantly would I be good at it?

My husband I knew that if we both worked full time, the money we made would go towards everything except the life we wanted for our family, so staying home wasn’t that much of an issue. What worried me was whether or not I’d become a burden to my husband. Most mothers give up their careers to care for their children, not because we’re not independent, intelligent individuals but ultimately because it’s what’s best for our families. I knew that if we could do this together our family would thrive but most importantly our children would have the advantage of having one of us available without either of us worrying about out babies.

My husband was able to retain his job during the pandemic and all the uncertainties it brought with it. He worked and I stayed home. At first it wasn’t so bad. I had a schedule for me and the girls. Of course I was exhausted. All the places that we’d normally bring our girls to exert their energies were closed except for the park. So we got creative. We go on car rides and do car activities. My husband is very good at finding outdoor activities, like going to the zoo, outdoor picnics and going to the beach all while maintaining a safe distance.

Home life wasn’t so bad at first either. I started teaching my three year old to read and write as a way to prepare us for a possible homeschool life. We started baking banana bread like every family. We made a digital tv cooking show and even shot a Wal-Mart commercial. Things were going to be ok, after this wasn’t going to last long and soon life would be back to normal. Or so I thought…

It seems like month after month, the news got grimmer and grimmer. More and more my social media feed was filled with conspiracy theories, hate crimes and just another death inspired by racism. I was triggered by how normal it became to see another name becoming a hashtag. Trauma became part of the new normal and I hated it. I had seen enough trauma growing up and I don’t know why it seemed to be a continuous sight for me to see. But worse, is now I’m a mother and how am I supposed to raise well adjust Black girls in a world that is constantly telling they are not for us and our well-being?

A year later, I’m at home writing this post. I am four pregnant. I hate the cold so naturally I hibernate within my house like I do every winter. I still am teaching my girl to read, write and do arithmetic. She continues to impress me. I wish I could take them to an indoor trampoline park so my second born to jump around with her sister. I wish we could go to the McDonald’s Playplace where my girls would make a temporary friend while my husband and I would enjoy our cheap dates but alas now our time together looks different.

It usually takes place after the babies have gone to bed. We order something off of UberEats and catch up on the adult television shows on Netflix. During the day, I try to keep the schedule the same, keeping in mind that I need to schedule some time for myself, which I’ve been neglecting more and more lately. Some days I get my list done and I feel confident, other days I just want to crawl in bed and be taken cared of.

It’s not always pretty but we’re getting by one day at a time. Hanging on to the knowledge that this too shall pass.

5 Things (NEw) Moms Don’t want to hear

Hi there! I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for being you and for checking out my blog. You could be doing anything but here you are with me. I honestly appreciate your support.

As a mother of a 3 year and 1 year old, there are certain comments that I have heard and will probably continue to hear from others. For some reason, some people just don’t know how to speak to people and forget that mothers are human beings who just don’t need to be reminded that their womanhood is constantly being judged by society. So this may come off as a rant but I assure that my goal is to educate and hopefully help you be more sensitive to your new mom friend or loved one. And if you’ve been on the receiving end of these comments, I know how you feel.

Mind you this may not apply to every mom you meet but most of it will. Also just because this new mom is your BFF or relative, it doesn’t make your words any less hurtful. Moms go through a lot and the last thing we need is to be reminded that we are not the way we were. Believe me, WE KNOW!

  1. You look tired! – Wow! I wonder what gave it away. How puffy my eyes are? The dull look on my face? The fact that the life and well being of my children depends on my being available 24/7 without any days of or reprieve. Or that no matter how hard I try to relax when someone actually decides to take care of my children, my brain won’t stop imagining the absolute worst case scenario to remind me that I am helpless when it comes to the constant worrying over my children’s life. Please just bring me coffee and shut up. It better be the good kind too and not that crappy cheap stuff too. Thank you!
  2. You should breastfeed/bottle feed/feed more/feed less– Unless you are ready to be put in your place, keep your comments to yourself. Unless you are a licensed health care professional with backed scientific knowledge that will greatly improve the quality of life for the child that I literally just pushed out of my vagina in the presence of the designated people just keep it moving. You can not out love my child. It’s not possible. When the baby was in my womb, the baby grew and thrived. This baby is my responsibility and until you see signs of neglect or abuse just don’t go there. My baby is fed and happy and thriving.
  3. You should do something with your baby’s hair– Says who?! Hair grows and falls out naturally. The state of my child’s hair is hardly cause for concern unless (again!) licensed health care professional sees an underlying medical concern that needs to be addressed. Hair comes and grows. Whether I put barrettes or braid his/her hair is not going to affect the state of my child’s well being. It’s better to raise happy children who are confident in the way they look as opposed to pleasing the society’s status quo as to what a child should look like.
  4. How come you’re not losing weight? – A mother’s body …let me rephrase a woman’s body is not anybody’s source of visual entertainment. Her body, her choice. Furthermore, mothers have a hard time accepting the new body she has obtained, for crying out loud, give her time to appreciate the level of efficacy at which her entire reproductive organs have worked alongside with the rest of her body to maintain her and another human’s life. The execution with such precision that she can and will do again (if God sees it fit) is enough to celebrate that without the scrutiny of some loose skin and excess fat. AND BY THE WAY, that excess fat is tremendously important in the well being and safe keeping of that baby during it’s time in the womb. Did you think she’d push it out along with the baby and the placenta?! Every woman is different and every journey is equally different. Just feed her and tell her she’s beautifully amazing because she is. Don’t forget the cookies!
  5. Enjoy it while it last!– I want to, I really want to but I AM TIRED!!!!! There’s not enough coffee to keep me sane during this time. I don’t sleep, my body doesn’t match what my brain says I should look like, my kids need me, my husband needs me, I need me and I look and smell like the swamp thing except I just reek of body odor. What’s to enjoy? Sleeplessness? Let me dial it back. Yes they are cute and yes I love them to pieces. Yes they complete a part of me that I didn’t know I had. I love it but let a sister vent without the condemnation. If you miss it so much you’d have a baby in your house right now, keeping you and your household awake too. But guess what? You know their cuteness is a trap just as much as I do. So how about we “enjoy” this frustrating moment of motherhood.

Looking back at this post I clearly had some underlying frustrations that I needed to release. Unfortunately, these comments usually come from people who mean well and actually are looking out for our best interest. That in itself is really annoying because it hurts more. You figure they would know better but turns out they don’t.

How do you think I got here?

Did I miss a comment? Let me know in the comment section.

You’re A Good Mom

20170421_212432Hey there! Thanks for checking out my post. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this.

So many times I’ll check out other mom post or blogs and end up feeling worse off than when before I saw it.

Let’s be honest, nobody does parenthood perfectly. There’s no perfect way to parent any human being. We’re flawed. We know that there are some definite WRONG ways of parenting. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and when they are, the perpetrators are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

But otherwise, all that’s really required is for you to show up and to love your human beings. I know it’s not always easy. I’m not going to lie, I lose it from time to time. I apologize far more than I would like. But every day is a new day.

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This is why I put up this post is to remind you that you are a good mom. You show up everyday. You love your children and put them first in your daily life.

Are you the type to let your kid have unlimited screen time? Good for you. No matter the answer you are good mom.

Today is Youtube, 20 years ago it was television. Go figure. img_20181015_141912_746691140741.jpg

Do you let your children play with all the toys in the house? Good for you. No matter the answer, you are good mom.

Your definition of a good mom shouldn’t be based on what the last mom blogger said. You’re a good mom because YOU ARE.

Point. Blank. PeriodT.

Now, go and enjoy your children in all of your glory.

*That may include a disastrous house, unwanted questions and overdrawn out stories.*

In A World Where

Hey there! Thanks for checking out my blog.

This year I’ve decided to participate in #nablopomo. This is a challenge where bloggers around the world write a blog post a day for the month of November.

Today, as I was feeling nostalgic, I looked at some of my daughter’s pictures. You see my daughter is a toddler with a lot of energy and a big imagination, which I absolutely admire.

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It’s crazy to me that 2019 that many girls around the world are denied their right as a basic human being, let alone their right to live and dream.

I don’t know what’s in store for my girl.

She may become an athlete. Changing the game and elevating the skill level required to play.

20190921_102328_originalA savvy businesswoman, taking on important phone calls. Maybe changing the global spectrum on an international level.

20190701_135245_originalMaybe a veterinarian. She loves animals…well as long as she doesn’t have to touch them. Ok, so maybe not a vet, but anything is possible, right?20190621_101526_original

She could very well be a musician.

20190901_153722_original Or the first driver to master the art of peace while stuck in Toronto’s worst traffic jam.

That would be awesome!

20190803_195701_originalA pilot on a plane, travelling wherever she wants, whenever she wants.

20190907_105924_original An author, creating stories and sharing knowledge.

Whatever she chooses to do, I know it will be awesome. And I will be there supporting her and cheering her on.

In a world where young girls are often tasked with the responsibility of perfect, I challenge every girl to dream. Every girl should be allowed the opportunity to be the woman God designed them to be.

That’s how they become superheroes!20190823_155523_original

 

Priorities of a Toddler

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My daughter and I had a pretty good thing when it came to her sleep routine.

I say “had” because ever since we brought the baby home from the hospital, I slacked off of on it. Nobody’s fault, but mine

Our routine was pretty simple.

After we finished using the potty, we would go to her room. The bedroom lights would be turned off, but the hallway light to provides some illumination (is that a word?).

We pray. We say our affirmation. Then we go to sleep.

Actually, she would lay down on her bed and I would remain at the foot of her bed. There I would sit, pray, meditate or worry excessively at everything I couldn’t control. Such as, the length of time it would take for her to fall asleep.

This started as a means to ensure that she would stay in her bed.

Little did I know that she found comfort in those moments. She liked that I stayed behind. Maybe because it gave her a sense of calm against the “scary monsters”. Or possibly because she wasn’t alone in the dark. I don’t know.

Today, I stayed with her until she drifted off to sleep, like we used to do. I realized then, these moments are just as important for me as it is for her. It’s our moment to connect in her dim lit bedroom. In the dark, as she 20170421_212432drifts off in the unknown I’m there with her.

In the silence, she hears me say the same words I whispered in her ear in the first few moments of her birth

“I got you. “