I think it goes without saying that some days are better than others.
It’s true in life in general but when your hormones are trying to find their way back to normal, after housing a human being for 9 months. Let’s not forget, while functioning and being available to those who need you and rely on you for everything …
well…
It’s been a month since I’ve given birth. That means I have a 1 month old who needs my attention in ways she did not need before. I’ve got a toddler who needs me to be her mother and a husband who just needs me.
What’s worse is that ever since we’ve returned from the hospital, my toddler has now picked up a new habit. She now wets the bed. I’ve figured out the times at which this is likely to happen so it’s fixable but the problem is…I’ve got a newborn keeping me awake at night.
Talk about a transition for the whole family.
Although my husband has been extremely supportive and attentive to my mental health and it’s been a major blessing, there are things he can’t fix. Some of them are triggers for those rough days.
You know, the days when you just need a moment to yourself on the bathroom floor to cry out of exhaustion, shame and guilt. Those are the rough days I’m talking about. Today was one of them.
I woke up tired,
saw another pee stain,
do a load of laundry,
worry about how much the water bill will be,
ignore the whiny toddler who wants ice cream for breakfast,
make sure to pick the screaming newborn who suddenly remembered my presence is required,
get that coffee machine going,
ignore the dirty kitchen,
the leftover socks are still on the floor?!
when is my maternity leave benefits kicking in?
I lost it on the toddler, I have to do better!
Nevermind, everything is ruined…
When it gets like that, I just do nothing. I refocus my energy on being the kind of mother my babies need. Screw everything else. My husband knows this. Today he made dinner after work without hesitation. He knows. He’s that good.
Some days are better than others. However the day goes, we are a team. We’ll get through the transition together.
Sandy Esprit 
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