Sandy Esprit

As excited as I am, I think that there is such a responsibility placed on parents today that we can’t help but feel anxious. Sometimes if we don’t address it fears tend to overpower our excitement of the future. We are a family of 3 and soon we will be a family of 4…

I love my little family of 3. I love what we have become. I love how easy we flow and how well we understand one another, for the most part. Every day is an adventure where we can grow into the humans God created us to be.

In our home, mistakes are made but rectified. We apologize willingly and sincerely even when we have no idea what we’re apologizing for. There is grace to grow despite the frustration of growing pains. We accept constructive criticisms and are willing to take it ourselves without compromising our way of life. We have become home. So why am I so scared for the arrival of the second baby?

I’ve done it before. I’ve been here before, haven’t I?

The truth is I haven’t. Who am I kidding? I had one precious little girl and she was amazing. I needed to do the work and she’s still amazing. But this time, I will be dealing with another baby. This baby could very well be a different baby, with different wants, needs, mannerisms and dreams. Who knows? Well I know. This baby is different.

Let’s not forget the fact that my firstborn will be in for a surprise when she realizes that Mommy is not just her Mommy but someone else’s too. She won’t be sharing my attention with Daddy anymore but with another who depends on me for more than just potty help and story time fun.

In all honesty, what scares me the most is that I won’t be able to handle the two. That I will somehow be less than a good mom to my firstborn. I’m afraid that she will feel neglected because of the new baby. I’m also afraid that the new baby won’t have all of me because my daughter was here first and she still needs me. I’m afraid that I will be too tired to function like I should.

Most importantly, I’m afraid that I will change in a way that causes my marriage to suffer. At the end of the day, my husband is my partner for life. He will do his very best to make sure that he does his part but will it be enough? Is there enough of me to keep everyone happy?

This is where I have to trust God. Everyone already has an opinion as to what should be done and how it should be done. Believe me, my husband and I have heard and still hear a good bit of it. It’s disheartening sometimes because as much as we believe in our abilities to do this, we’re still fighting our own insecurities. Sometimes we take it out on each other and most of the time we hurt ourselves. These are behaviours we don’t want our children to model.

But, if God can appoint us to be life partners to one another and parents to our children it’s because we have the ability and capacity to do so. It won’t be easy but we will do it. It will be messy but we will clean it up. We will show up everyday and do better until our time is up.

I will not lie to you I am scared yet I can hear God in the early mornings tell me, “You’re ok. It’s gonna be ok.” With that I get up, show up and be me for my family.