HI My Name is Sandy

Hi there! Happy New Year! I want to start off by saying thank you so very much for joining me here. I know that you could be doing anything and you are here. I appreciate that a lot. Just to let you know that this post may contain affiliates links. If you want to support me as a content creator, by all means purchase through the links provided in the post. You will never pay more, but you may save some money. At the same time, I will get a small commission. It’s a win-win for us both.

Lately, there’s been a few faces coming to my blog and I am so happy you are here. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. Whether you’re here for my life hacks, my skin care, hair care and/or thoughts on life I’m grateful that you’ve made the decision to keep visiting my blog.

A bit about me…

My name is Sandy Esprit. I am a stay at home mom and full time social media content creator. I have mothered two girls and am married. I love what I do and am very grateful that I get to live this life. Of course I’m giving you the short form version of my life because well I always wanted to hide my past. However I want my life to inspire others and that can’t happen unless I open up that Pandora’s Box.

Into My Past We Go…

I grew up in a single parent home, where my mother was the sole bread winner. I understood the value of hard work and the value of a dollar. Growing up we didn’t have a lot growing up, but we always had food to eat and a roof over our head. It wasn’t always easy. In fact, my mother worked hard every day but at times it seemed like that hard meant nothing.

We never stayed in one place too long. I went through 13 different schools because we kept moving so much. I don’t have any childhood friends other than my little sister. Honestly, she’s my best friend by default. We were each other’s rock. I feared relationships growing up. I didn’t trust people. It was hard to open up and when I did I overshared.

I’ve been homeless at least three times. I’ve lived in a country illegally for a few years. I know what it’s like to suffer in silence. I had my first panic attack at the age of 13 and had to navigate it alone. There were times when I felt like I was put in situations where I was used as a means to bridge familial disputes. As a child, that’s not a situation that made me feel loved or appreciated.

But we got through it by God’s grace.

Here we are…

Eventually, my life levelled out. I went to school and graduated. I attended the University of Ottawa where I majored in Biochemistry and took a minor in music. I wanted to study music but I wasn’t allowed so I went with my second love, science. It took me six years but I did it.

I always wanted to help people and make them feel valued, like they could do anything. I hated that feeling of insecurity and instability. That became even more prevalent when I was pregnant with my first born. I loathed it and wanted to protect my daughter from ever feeling this way, which is why I started blogging.

I didn’t see anyone who looked like me articulating my likes just as much as my insecurities. Everyone looked so put together and well curated. Meanwhile I was hot mess. So, I became vulnerable and posted about my fears. It wasn’t always well received but I felt better owning my story.

People were relating to me. I was inspiring people get through their day-to-day and I wanted my daughter to see me as a woman instead of just mommy. Because one day they’ll be my age and they may face the same struggles I face today as a woman. They need to know that they’re not alone. Most importantly, they’ll be ok.

Post Holiday Struggle

Hi there! Happy New Year! I want to start off by saying thank you so very much for joining me here. I know that you could be doing anything and you are here. I appreciate that a lot. Just to let you know that this post may contain affiliates links. If you want to support me as a content creator, by all means purchase through the links provided in the post. You will never pay more, but you may save some money. At the same time, I will get a small commission. It’s a win-win for us both.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. After completing the #nablopomo challenge I tried to enter the #vlogmas challenge over on my youtube channel and I was completely burnt out. Turns out it’s easier for me to blog then it is for me to vlog. Or maybe I just wasn’t prepared. I knew however that I wanted to jump on here and get back to some sense of normalcy in my safe space. But it hasn’t been easy.

In fact, this holiday was just really tiring for me. There was so much I was trying to accomplish by the end of the year all the while still wanting to be present. At one point I just had to shut everything down. I knew the end result would be catastrophic. Now I’m just struggling to get into the momentum of work, despite being in yet another lockdown. It can be really frustrating trying to salvation a bit of excitement for the upcoming year when all I see isn’t too uplifting. I figured now would be the best time to start implementing the lessons I’ve learned in 2020.

  1. Never stop investing in yourself; Honestly the best money spent has been on myself and I’m not talking about splurging on the latest trending items, I mean really making an investment in yourself. There’s something about putting your faith (or money) on your dreams and your passions. You almost never lose out on that investment. There’s always a reward in the end.
  2. Kindness is KING! Being kind is free and really easy to put into practice. It doesn’t mean that you let people walk all over you it just means that you are intentionally and proactively seeking to change the world positively. Your presence is influential in the way this society will end up for our future. Let’s do our part and be kind. Also kindness will get you into places that talent and work ethic never could.
  3. Boundaries are meant to be enforced- This year really taught me to enforce boundaries with people. Growing up I was often placed in a position where I was easily overlooked, gaslit and ignored. As a mother, to two young girls you better believe that this is not something I intend to pass on to my girls. Not everyone I know is meant to travel with me. Not everyone I have met is going to be helpful on my journey, and if they cause me more harm than good, then it’s time for us part ways. It doesn’t need to be hostile but it does need to be enforced
  4. I don’t know everything- I’m no expert. No matter how big I get I will always need to learn something new. Every step I take will require me to level up in my learning. One of the best apps I have been leaning on is Clubhouse to just learn.
  5. Be Yourself- This is cliche but it needs to be said. Your greatest superpower is the ability to be YOU. Not one person can do what you do and tell your story the way you do. Use that to your advantage.

I really hope this year brings you everything you desire. I think this year will be the reset that we need this year!

What have you learned in 2020 that you will be implementing this year?

Charlotte Tilbury Make-up Review

www.youtube.com/watch

Hi there! Thank you so much for checking out my blog. Today is Sunday and it’s the day I release my blog.

I received some items from Charlotte Tilbury for free and decided to try them out. I hope you like the video.

FYI: Just to let you know that this blog does contain some affiliate links, which I hope you will appreciate. If you so choose to click on these links you will not spend extra money but you will get some cash back with your purchase and for referring you I get some money too. It won’t make me an overnight millionaire but I will be able to continue providing you with some more content like this one.

You can purchase these items here. #liketkit @liketoknow.it http://liketk.it/31rdP whether you need some holiday glam or a gift for your favourite make up lover, Charlotte Tilbury is perfect for this season #LTKunder50 #LTKbeauty #LTKstyletip Shop your screenshot of this pic with the LIKEtoKNOW.it shopping app

If you have AMPLI you can receive cash back if you shop these items at Sephora. Ampli is a cash back app that I use to get cash back on my purchases. If you sign up using the code AMPLI5 you will get $5 without purchasing a thing. That’s just for signing up. What do you think about that? There’s tons of places you can use it at not just Sephora. You should check it out.

What’s your favourite holiday make-up trend?

Enjoy The Process: Process is Practice for Destiny

Chapter 1: Process is Practice for Destiny

Process. I googled the word “Process” and the definition that came up is “a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end”. Everyone of us is involved in a process of some sort. We all have an end that we have envisioned for ourselves. We have grown up with dreams, fueled by passions and now that we are older, we’ve been given the opportunity to go after them. Our lives can be boiled down to just one word, process. 

From the moment we are conceived there is a process of growth that we are subject to. By the time we’ve reached the age of 5 we start going to school and that will last up until we graduate at the age of 17 or 18, for most of us. Then we undergo a different process. All these pathways ultimately are meant to give us a successful end. That end is our destiny. 

What is process?

Process is practice for our destiny. Most often when we are going through the process it comes with unfairness, hardship, separation (not isolation), transition and growth.  These are just tools used by God to teach us something or to guide and/or influence us into creating the right life habits. 

There is good news. The good news is that it’s temporary. None of this is permanent. It may take a long time, depending on how quickly we learn and/or the size of our destiny. However, rest assured you will not die in the process if you keep going through it. Here’s an example. 

In the Bible, one of my favourite person is King David. I love his boldness, his swagger, his love for God and just how real he is. This man was a man with great power, he wasn’t perfect, but he loved God and submitted to God. But despite his many successes, there were many times he had to go through the process. It wasn’t always pretty and I’m sure he didn’t enjoy it, but the end result was always worth it. He was always without a doubt better than the way he started. 

Unfairness, hardship, separation, transition and growth = fun?!

You’re probably wondering, how am I supposed to go through unfairness, hardship, separation, transition and growth and enjoy it? Transition and growth would make sense to me, personally but the first three, I don’t know. It took me over 10 years to break out of that mindset. I couldn’t enjoy the challenge of going through my experiences because I was looking at it all wrong. 

I wanted everything to be simple and easy. I wanted the answers to every question on the test without learning to use the tools I was given to work out the answers to every question on the test. There is no app to answer every inquiry in the world. Google can’t help me figure out why my father chose not to pursue a relationship with me, nor could it help me figure out why I couldn’t just forgive my father for not being in my life. This was an experience I had to go through. 

I was so busy being angry, I couldn’t see the lesson that God was teaching me. He was putting me in a position where I could forgive those who hurt me and love them despite their offense towards me. He taught me to take the power of my emotions out of my father’s hands and place them in His hands. He taught me to love despite the hurt I suffered and ultimately become sensitive and empathetic to the needs of those who may have felt rejected and alone, including my father. 

It was a dark process, and I don’t wish it on anyone but I’m sure glad I went through it. 

Biblical Example:

King David had his fair share of unfairness. I mean as a boy he’s a shepherd. He takes care of sheep and during this time he is faced with a lion and a bear. Alone! I don’t know about you, but these sheep would’ve been food for the lion and the bear if I was their shepherdess. However, David realizes that the sheep are counting on him for their survival, so he rescues them. Alone. At the time David, couldn’t have known that this would’ve been the practice he needed to defeat Goliath, and yet it was. The defeat of Goliath catapulted his fame throughout the land and gave Israel a much-needed victory. 

One would think that would’ve been the moment he’d step into his destiny and experience success. I mean everyone knew who he was by now. He even had his own song. Samuel had already anointed him, so it should’ve been easy sailing from that point on, right? That’s what I would’ve expected, in fact that’s what I always expect. But not really, it just led him into another process. 

Now he’s got to deal with a hater, the current king of Israel, King Saul. This guy takes David in, gives him his daughter has his wife, and then turns around and tries to kill him. David literally had to run for his life. He was forced to be separated from his home and his comfort. He is doing everything right and now he’s on the run?! The answer is yes. During this time, David sharpened his relationship with God writing some of the most beautiful psalms that we are still reciting today. 

Separation allows us to dig deep and let God lead us where he wants us to. David wasn’t just a warrior. During that period of his life, he no longer was a shepherd boy, but he became a worshipper. He became the man that could lead an entire nation back to the altar of God and change the spiritual trajectory of a nation. 

Then there’s the slip up. He finally becomes king and he manages to mess it all up. He and Bathsheba (a married woman, at that!) end up having a one-night stand. She gets pregnant. He creates a situation to have her husband killed and then marries the girl in hopes that it all goes away. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t. He humbles himself, repents and out of him comes Solomon, the future king of Israel. The one who builds the temple of God in Israel. 

The Point:

Process isn’t fun, in fact to even say that you’ll enjoy the process is an oxymoron. It’s not meant to be enjoyable. The beauty in going through the process is that at the end of it you will look back and realize that you were simply practicing for a destiny that is bigger than yourself. There’s so much about you that you don’t know, in fact there is a version of yourself that you haven’t even met. That person is kind, thoughtful, wise and full of life lessons. Fortunately, only those who are willing to go through will meet that version of themselves. 

So, go through the process and practice. Practice makes perfect. When perfection meets intention then lives are changed, not just yours but the world changes. Be perfect for your destiny.

Open Letter to my girls…

To my dearest princesses aka my #girlsquad!,

Today is just another random day. We are going through the motions in hopes that it helps you become the best version of yourselves. I don’t know what kind of women you’ll become but before I start overthinking, I promise to do my best not to cry until after I’ve finished writing this letter.

You are three and one year old. You have a limited view on the world but that view is full of fun, exploration and most importantly love. You both live in a stable home and you have Mommy and Daddy at home. We both love you more than you could ever know.

I chose to write you this letter because I didn’t want to display my love for you as an event. I want you to know that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for making it through every single day with a positive outlook. I”m proud of you for teaching ME more than I could ever teach you about life. I’m proud of you for reminding me that life is more than just routine, a paycheck or a goal. Life is about living.

Thank you for teaching me that I am worth loving for the woman that I am and not for what I do. I’m not as confident as I appear and most of the time I’m going on a gut feeling and a whole lot of Jesus. I know that you will be ok no matter what comes your way but I am your mother. That part of me won’t go away until the day I die. Sorry. To answer your question, I won’t stop worrying about or be ready to kill for you and hide the body.

We won’t always get along. We won’t always agree. If I’ve raised you properly, then I can expect a challenge on pretty much everything I’ve taught you. You see, I want your respect and as much as I want your undying obedience,, that only belongs to God. I can’t have that.

Your job is to be you. The best version of you. That will be different depending on the day. Some days you will thrive and some days you will learn. Some days you will need to cut yourself some slack and some days you will need to whip yourself into shape. Don’t worry, you will know the when and how. If you need help, I’ll be there to guide you the best I can.

I’m not perfect. I know it. Don’t rub it in. Neither are you so there! *that’s where you get your petty from, sorry!*

I love you is an understatement but it’s true. I owe you for teaching me to love and be patient and to be a better Christian is an understatement but it’s true.

There’s a lot that will happen by the time you read this open letter. But one thing will remain true.

I love you. Unconditionally. Inexplicably. Simply because you’re YOU!

5 (FREE) Tips to be Successful

Hi there! Thank you so much for being here. You could be anywhere but you chose to be here. I honestly appreciate your support.

Today is going to be a little different because today this post is going to piggy back off of my latest YouTube post. After seeing what we thought was impossible happen south of the border I think it’s safe to say that impossible has a whole different meaning.

You don’t need a whole lot of money to get started so here is the post!

Being A Black Mother in 2020

Hi there! Thank you so much for checking out my blog. Your support is greatly appreciated and believe me I do not take it for granted. This post does contain product that I’ve received for free but it does not change how I feel about them. All opinions expressed are simply and honestly my own.

I was once asked to write about what it’s like being a Black mom. At first, I wasn’t ready to dismiss this as a topic because I just didn’t want to face these issues, in all honesty. I thought no one would care about what I had to say on the matter.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my experience as a Black mother actually differs quite drastically, especially when compared to my Caucasian counterparts. As a Black mom, a first generation Haitian, living in a Eurocentric based society built off of systemic racism, there are just certain things that Black moms have to do differently or approach differently for the well-being of their children.

Disclaimer: This is not an anti-white blog posts, I am just listing my experiences as a Black. I would like to add that I am very proud of being a woman, being Black and being a mother. I wouldn’t change any of this for anything in the world.

For starters, here a list of things I heard growing up. Usually, these would be a series of conversation starters that would be followed by a lecture or a series of instruction.

  1. “You have to work twice as hard to make it in the world…”
  2. “If the police approach you…”
  3. “Some people won’t like you because of the colour of your skin…”
  4. “Your body is perfect just the way it is…”
  5. “Driving While Black”
  6. “You are not allowed to be angry”
  7. “No matter how successful, you will be seen as a threat…”
  8. “Black fathers do exists…”
  9. “Be careful if you speak out, you will be seen as aggressive…”
  10. “Not all of your Caucasian friends are anti-racist…”

These are moments that I have experienced that I know I will have to prepare my children for. There will always be a reason for people to be evil. I do believe in a better tomorrow. I am hopeful but I am also very cautious. After all, I am a Black mom.

Most mothers that I know, are naturally protective of their young. It’s instinct. It’s primal. It’s biological. Often times, as moms, we do everything we can to ensure that our children are well cared for and have all the tools necessary to thrive in this world. Unfortunately, for us BIPOC it involves having the race talk way younger than we would. It means having to explain to them that no matter how nice, polite or pleasant they are they will be seen as a threat. Especially, if they are males.

I don’t want to be that helicopter parent that is constantly hovering her children. But based on the media coverage of the brutalization and blatant murder of our own, I am becoming more and more skeptical. Things are starting to make sense and I am becoming aware that as adults we have a choice to make. At times, speaking up in the workplace as a BIPOC is seen as being hostile and creating a toxic work environment.

I can remember the countless times that my body was sexualized before I even knew what that meant. If I was picked on I had to just deal with it, because being called a racial slur was “kids being kids”. My hair had to be “presentable”. The police isn’t our “friend” and it’s better just to avoid them all together. Being gaslighted is a normality that I didn’t realize was abnormal until recently.

This is NOT the world I want my kids to grow up in.

They deserve better. So much better. That is why I’ve decided to become a stay at home mom. I wanted to teach them my way. I wanted my daughters to have the space to be exactly who they are meant to be. They can be fearless leaders and speak their minds with respect and understanding. They are safe at home to be themselves and not just another minority.

They can learn their history as it was and not the white washed or nitpicked version of whatever the world says it is. Furthermore if we don’t know where we’ve been, we won’t know where we’re going.

I truly believe that if I want to see the change, then change must start at home. In short, being a Black mom is like being a mom. A mom who is a Black woman who has faced prejudice at school and in the workplace. A mom who has experienced hate before she could even introduce herself. A mom who’s had to bite her tongue to preserve her child’s innocence. A mom who’s tired of seeing another hashtag pop up on her timeline, knowing that one day in the near future I will have to explain what those names mean. A mom, who’s had to accept disrespect from others to avoid creating a “toxic” work environment or to keep her job. A mom who’s been told to go back where she came from, got slapped in the face and that day was ready to lose her job. I know I will have those conversations with my girls. What will I tell them? I don’t know.

That’s my experience as a Black mom.



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Colorism Almost Ruined Me

I remember a lot of the comments that were made about my physical appearance when I was young. Not many of them were good. In fact, I don’t remember much at all that were good.

I was told I was smart. That I was well spoken. That I was mature for my age. That I looked older than I was. I was told that I was bright and insightful. Talkative and inquisitive. I had potential to be a doctor or a lawyer. That I read beyond my grade level.

I was never called cute or beautiful. I was tall, lanky and awkward. Most of my clothes were baggy on me because naturally children’s clothes aren’t customizable. The sleeves were often too short and the pant leg too short. I had no sense of style and no matter how hard I tried I never could replicate what I saw on tv.

Between my sister and I, I was the “darker” one, so she was cuter than me by default. Colourism is a cancer that silently kills the confidence of black girls worldwide. Even in the home. No matter how hard my mom tried to shield me from it, every time my sister and I stepped into a room where we were introduced we both knew from the looks what was coming. Children aren’t stupid. Even as children, we were silent but not stupid. We knew what they thought and some made it very clear they had a preference.

I never fit in. I was too eloquent and well spoken to be black. That reality was very real when I lived in Florida. In fact, I was warned that I would make myself a target if I didn’t change my way of speech. It sucks. Imagine learning a language so well and still be told it’s not good enough because it’s too perfect.

If it’s not my weight, it’s my height. If it’s not my speech, it’s my thought. Then fast forward a few decades and I’m projecting my own insecurities on my children. I’m denying myself the ability to heal by putting on a mask.

I have a fear of being slim. I’m afraid that those words of my childhood will return to haunt like the ghost of Christmas past. I’m afraid that if I go below a certain weight class I will no longer be seen as a woman but as a less than deserving citizen.

I have a fear of not being black enough. I’m afraid that if people see the me that my family sees, I will be seen as an “Oreo”. I’m afraid of being addressed as an outsider and treated like I don’t belong.

I have perfected my accent, I have become cool enough, loud enough and “black” enough to be seen as a black woman. What will happen if the world finds out that I really don’t like Rap the way they thought I did? What if they know that I’d rather listen to Mozart over T-Pain? What if I’m labeled an imposter?

The nightmare is what if I begin to project my own insecurities on my girls. The things I fear, they too, begin to fear? Will silently contemplate and weigh every word of flattery they hear? Can I be trusted to teach them they are worth far more than the treasures of this world while I secretly and silently battle my own past?

I was a child in need of affirmation. I needed to believe I was beautiful. Though the past is over, I have a duty to heal from that trauma. That chapter must close. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self how beautiful she was. She’s beauty and brains which make her a rare treasure. I would tell her that her weight and height were perfect. She doesn’t need to over eat to gain weight. She doesn’t to be lighter or darker. She’s perfect just the way she is.

FYI: I’ve got a vlog so if you want to check that out click here

Talk to me in the comments!

Vichy Normaderm Phytosolution Giveaway

Hi there! Thank you so much for being here. Your support as always means the world to me. In this vlog, I have collaborated with Vichy to share with you a really simple and effective three step skin care routine that is gentle on the skin and super effective in getting rid of acne, even if your skin is sensitive like mine. GIVEAWAY ALERT: This video does include a giveaway alert so stay tuned to the end to see how you can get your hands on these amazing products. For the rules of giveaway visit me on Instagram http://www.instagram.com/iamsandyesprit Disclaimer: This vlog is sponsored by Vichy but all opinions expressed in this videos are my own. Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE to the channel, LIKE this video and SHARE with your friends and family. Filming Tools: iPhone 8 8” ring light Editing app: iMovie app Check what else I’m doing online and click this link to stay up to date http://www.iamsandyesprit.com/linkinbio #vichy #skincare #review #giveaway #ad