Enjoy The Process: Process is Practice for Destiny

Chapter 1: Process is Practice for Destiny

Process. I googled the word “Process” and the definition that came up is “a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end”. Everyone of us is involved in a process of some sort. We all have an end that we have envisioned for ourselves. We have grown up with dreams, fueled by passions and now that we are older, we’ve been given the opportunity to go after them. Our lives can be boiled down to just one word, process. 

From the moment we are conceived there is a process of growth that we are subject to. By the time we’ve reached the age of 5 we start going to school and that will last up until we graduate at the age of 17 or 18, for most of us. Then we undergo a different process. All these pathways ultimately are meant to give us a successful end. That end is our destiny. 

What is process?

Process is practice for our destiny. Most often when we are going through the process it comes with unfairness, hardship, separation (not isolation), transition and growth.  These are just tools used by God to teach us something or to guide and/or influence us into creating the right life habits. 

There is good news. The good news is that it’s temporary. None of this is permanent. It may take a long time, depending on how quickly we learn and/or the size of our destiny. However, rest assured you will not die in the process if you keep going through it. Here’s an example. 

In the Bible, one of my favourite person is King David. I love his boldness, his swagger, his love for God and just how real he is. This man was a man with great power, he wasn’t perfect, but he loved God and submitted to God. But despite his many successes, there were many times he had to go through the process. It wasn’t always pretty and I’m sure he didn’t enjoy it, but the end result was always worth it. He was always without a doubt better than the way he started. 

Unfairness, hardship, separation, transition and growth = fun?!

You’re probably wondering, how am I supposed to go through unfairness, hardship, separation, transition and growth and enjoy it? Transition and growth would make sense to me, personally but the first three, I don’t know. It took me over 10 years to break out of that mindset. I couldn’t enjoy the challenge of going through my experiences because I was looking at it all wrong. 

I wanted everything to be simple and easy. I wanted the answers to every question on the test without learning to use the tools I was given to work out the answers to every question on the test. There is no app to answer every inquiry in the world. Google can’t help me figure out why my father chose not to pursue a relationship with me, nor could it help me figure out why I couldn’t just forgive my father for not being in my life. This was an experience I had to go through. 

I was so busy being angry, I couldn’t see the lesson that God was teaching me. He was putting me in a position where I could forgive those who hurt me and love them despite their offense towards me. He taught me to take the power of my emotions out of my father’s hands and place them in His hands. He taught me to love despite the hurt I suffered and ultimately become sensitive and empathetic to the needs of those who may have felt rejected and alone, including my father. 

It was a dark process, and I don’t wish it on anyone but I’m sure glad I went through it. 

Biblical Example:

King David had his fair share of unfairness. I mean as a boy he’s a shepherd. He takes care of sheep and during this time he is faced with a lion and a bear. Alone! I don’t know about you, but these sheep would’ve been food for the lion and the bear if I was their shepherdess. However, David realizes that the sheep are counting on him for their survival, so he rescues them. Alone. At the time David, couldn’t have known that this would’ve been the practice he needed to defeat Goliath, and yet it was. The defeat of Goliath catapulted his fame throughout the land and gave Israel a much-needed victory. 

One would think that would’ve been the moment he’d step into his destiny and experience success. I mean everyone knew who he was by now. He even had his own song. Samuel had already anointed him, so it should’ve been easy sailing from that point on, right? That’s what I would’ve expected, in fact that’s what I always expect. But not really, it just led him into another process. 

Now he’s got to deal with a hater, the current king of Israel, King Saul. This guy takes David in, gives him his daughter has his wife, and then turns around and tries to kill him. David literally had to run for his life. He was forced to be separated from his home and his comfort. He is doing everything right and now he’s on the run?! The answer is yes. During this time, David sharpened his relationship with God writing some of the most beautiful psalms that we are still reciting today. 

Separation allows us to dig deep and let God lead us where he wants us to. David wasn’t just a warrior. During that period of his life, he no longer was a shepherd boy, but he became a worshipper. He became the man that could lead an entire nation back to the altar of God and change the spiritual trajectory of a nation. 

Then there’s the slip up. He finally becomes king and he manages to mess it all up. He and Bathsheba (a married woman, at that!) end up having a one-night stand. She gets pregnant. He creates a situation to have her husband killed and then marries the girl in hopes that it all goes away. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t. He humbles himself, repents and out of him comes Solomon, the future king of Israel. The one who builds the temple of God in Israel. 

The Point:

Process isn’t fun, in fact to even say that you’ll enjoy the process is an oxymoron. It’s not meant to be enjoyable. The beauty in going through the process is that at the end of it you will look back and realize that you were simply practicing for a destiny that is bigger than yourself. There’s so much about you that you don’t know, in fact there is a version of yourself that you haven’t even met. That person is kind, thoughtful, wise and full of life lessons. Fortunately, only those who are willing to go through will meet that version of themselves. 

So, go through the process and practice. Practice makes perfect. When perfection meets intention then lives are changed, not just yours but the world changes. Be perfect for your destiny.

Being A Black Mother in 2020

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I was once asked to write about what it’s like being a Black mom. At first, I wasn’t ready to dismiss this as a topic because I just didn’t want to face these issues, in all honesty. I thought no one would care about what I had to say on the matter.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my experience as a Black mother actually differs quite drastically, especially when compared to my Caucasian counterparts. As a Black mom, a first generation Haitian, living in a Eurocentric based society built off of systemic racism, there are just certain things that Black moms have to do differently or approach differently for the well-being of their children.

Disclaimer: This is not an anti-white blog posts, I am just listing my experiences as a Black. I would like to add that I am very proud of being a woman, being Black and being a mother. I wouldn’t change any of this for anything in the world.

For starters, here a list of things I heard growing up. Usually, these would be a series of conversation starters that would be followed by a lecture or a series of instruction.

  1. “You have to work twice as hard to make it in the world…”
  2. “If the police approach you…”
  3. “Some people won’t like you because of the colour of your skin…”
  4. “Your body is perfect just the way it is…”
  5. “Driving While Black”
  6. “You are not allowed to be angry”
  7. “No matter how successful, you will be seen as a threat…”
  8. “Black fathers do exists…”
  9. “Be careful if you speak out, you will be seen as aggressive…”
  10. “Not all of your Caucasian friends are anti-racist…”

These are moments that I have experienced that I know I will have to prepare my children for. There will always be a reason for people to be evil. I do believe in a better tomorrow. I am hopeful but I am also very cautious. After all, I am a Black mom.

Most mothers that I know, are naturally protective of their young. It’s instinct. It’s primal. It’s biological. Often times, as moms, we do everything we can to ensure that our children are well cared for and have all the tools necessary to thrive in this world. Unfortunately, for us BIPOC it involves having the race talk way younger than we would. It means having to explain to them that no matter how nice, polite or pleasant they are they will be seen as a threat. Especially, if they are males.

I don’t want to be that helicopter parent that is constantly hovering her children. But based on the media coverage of the brutalization and blatant murder of our own, I am becoming more and more skeptical. Things are starting to make sense and I am becoming aware that as adults we have a choice to make. At times, speaking up in the workplace as a BIPOC is seen as being hostile and creating a toxic work environment.

I can remember the countless times that my body was sexualized before I even knew what that meant. If I was picked on I had to just deal with it, because being called a racial slur was “kids being kids”. My hair had to be “presentable”. The police isn’t our “friend” and it’s better just to avoid them all together. Being gaslighted is a normality that I didn’t realize was abnormal until recently.

This is NOT the world I want my kids to grow up in.

They deserve better. So much better. That is why I’ve decided to become a stay at home mom. I wanted to teach them my way. I wanted my daughters to have the space to be exactly who they are meant to be. They can be fearless leaders and speak their minds with respect and understanding. They are safe at home to be themselves and not just another minority.

They can learn their history as it was and not the white washed or nitpicked version of whatever the world says it is. Furthermore if we don’t know where we’ve been, we won’t know where we’re going.

I truly believe that if I want to see the change, then change must start at home. In short, being a Black mom is like being a mom. A mom who is a Black woman who has faced prejudice at school and in the workplace. A mom who has experienced hate before she could even introduce herself. A mom who’s had to bite her tongue to preserve her child’s innocence. A mom who’s tired of seeing another hashtag pop up on her timeline, knowing that one day in the near future I will have to explain what those names mean. A mom, who’s had to accept disrespect from others to avoid creating a “toxic” work environment or to keep her job. A mom who’s been told to go back where she came from, got slapped in the face and that day was ready to lose her job. I know I will have those conversations with my girls. What will I tell them? I don’t know.

That’s my experience as a Black mom.



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Surviving Homeschool…the First Week

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Like most families, it was the beginning of school in my house. Unlike most families, I started school with my three year old daughter. I knew that I wanted to homeschool from the moment she was born. Throughout the years, I saw my little one become a sponge when it came to retaining information. By the time, she was a year old she knew that if she yelled at me she had my attention. By 18 months old, she could say her body parts. By, 2 she was potty trained and knew her alphabets, could make the phonetic sounds they produced and could count to ten and hold a conversation. Everywhere, we went people were amazed at how much she knew and could express. I wish I could take all the credit but between Cocomelon, Super Simple Songs, The Backyardigans, Alphablocks and pretty much whatever I could find on YouTube to keep her occupied when I needed a moment, she turned out all right. So I thought, why not further feed her thirst for knowledge and start homeschooling her now?

I wish I had known what I was in for.

As you know, it’s only been a week but I just want to say for the record PAY THESE TEACHERS WHAT THEY ARE WORTH!!!

We started our sessions, the Tuesday morning after Labour Day, I wanted us to have a full “school in session” kind of vibe. In all honesty, all she saw was a colourful notebook, some crayons and an overly excited mom…it was probably the coffee mixed with the nerves. I thought it’d be best to start with some alphabet tracing. Since she knew her alphabets it wouldn’t be hard to make that connection, right? My daughter is a genius who is capable of mastering all information within a matter of minutes, right?Wrong!

I don’t know what I was thinking placing such high expectations on my three year old daughter. I will spare you the nightmare. Let’s just say, my once energetic child who would rather do anything than take a nap was actually looking forward to taking a nap. She hated it every minute of alphabet tracing. I was getting frustrated because she wasn’t doing it “right” and she was frustrated and began to shut down. Then I felt like a jerk but I just wanted her to get it right…it was a nightmare. Looking back on it, I really screwed up her first two days and I wasn’t feeling confident in my ability to teach my daughter anything at this point. I just felt like a bum. In a few minutes, I sucked the excitement out of learning.

So I had a teacher’s meeting with myself. The first one of the year. I decided to set some rules that I had to abide by. I knew that if I could do that, we both would be better off. The goal isn’t just to get her to learn but to inspire to enjoy learning. What’s the point of learning at home if it sucks? I knew that I had to learn the way to teach her. She doesn’t learn like me, so to expect that out of a toddler who loves to have fun is ridiculous. I mean we only look alike, aside from that we are two very completely different beings. I wrote down the rules and here they are.

  1. Keep each lesson at a maximum of 10 minutes
  2. Once she’s done, move on. Come back to it, tomorrow
  3. Learn her “learning style”. Turns out, she loves to colour! Use that.
  4. Positive affirmation is key
  5. Let her lead.

I’ve been doing this ever since. Would you believe that we’ve been able to get through every lesson? She’s been learning how to write the alphabets a lot more quickly as well as the numbers. We’ve been able to even do some math problems, which is her favourite subject. I think it’s mostly because she gets to colour.

We’ve even added some flash cards into the mix to help her get more familiar with sight words. She absolutely loves the flash cards. Everyday we start our lesson with the flash cards. I usually do a game of sorts with her and the best part of it is, I see the spark return as she is soaking all this information.

On most nights, it’s not uncommon to see my three year old show her father what new word she’s learned, or what sight word she can now write on her own. She loves hearing his praises of her smart she is. At times, she will even pretend that she’s a teacher. It’s really an awesome feeling to know that I can impact my daughter in a way that will ultimately set her for success.

So to all the parents out there, I’m super proud of you for the job you are doing. This year has been challenging and whether you are sending your kids back to school or keeping them at home, I just want you to know that I see you and that I appreciate you doing what’s best for your family. We’re all in this together!