Sandy Esprit

After being stuck around collarbone length for nearly eight years, I’ve had to completely rethink what it means to grow long natural hair. Here’s what I’ve learned about hair growth, length retention, breakage, postpartum shedding, and how my hair-care needs have changed at 39.

For almost eight years, my hair seemed to have a strange relationship with length.

It would grow. I knew it was growing because I could see the new growth at my roots. I could feel the difference after going several weeks without manipulating it. I could see the length when my hair was stretched. Yet somehow, no matter how much time passed, I kept finding myself around the same place: collarbone length.

It was frustrating.

I would look at other women with natural hair and wonder what they were doing differently. Some seemed to retain length effortlessly. Their hair was waist length, mid-back, or well past their shoulders, while I felt like I had been having the same conversation with my hair for years.

Why isn’t my hair longer?

Why can’t I retain length?

Is my hair actually growing?

Eventually, I realized I had been asking the wrong question.

The problem wasn’t necessarily that my hair wasn’t growing.

The problem was that I wasn’t consistently retaining the length I was growing.

And that distinction changed the way I approached my hair.

My Relationship With Hair Length Started Long Before I Went Natural

My hair journey didn’t begin when I decided to take natural hair care seriously.

It started when I was a child.

Growing up, my mother didn’t really know how to care for my hair. That isn’t a criticism of her. She was doing what she knew how to do, and like so many Black women of her generation, she didn’t necessarily have access to the information, products, education, or resources we have today.

Hair care wasn’t something we sat down and studied.

I didn’t grow up understanding the importance of conditioning my hair, learning how to properly detangle it, protecting my ends, or developing a consistent wash routine.

In fact, conditioner was almost a foreign concept to me.

My first relaxer came when I was 13.

For years, straight hair became the standard by which I understood what my hair was supposed to look like. Natural texture wasn’t something I had learned to work with. It was something I had learned to manage.

And that history matters because by the time I eventually became serious about my natural hair, I wasn’t starting from scratch.

I was unlearning years of habits.

I was learning how my hair behaved.

I was learning what moisture actually meant.

I was learning that detangling didn’t have to involve fighting with my hair.

And I was learning that having tightly coiled hair didn’t mean I was destined to have short hair.

My Twenties Were About Styling More Than Retaining

In my twenties, I wore wigs, extensions, and braids.

There were periods when protective styling was a huge part of my life.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of those styles. Wigs, braids, extensions, and other low-manipulation styles can absolutely be part of a healthy natural hair routine.

The problem was that I wasn’t always consistent about what happened underneath the style.

My scalp has also always been prone to dandruff, which made things more complicated.

I wasn’t necessarily washing my hair on a consistent schedule. Sometimes hair care was something I thought about when I needed to style my hair rather than something I approached as an ongoing routine.

Looking back, I can see why length retention was difficult.

I was focused on how my hair looked.

I wasn’t always focused on what my hair needed to remain healthy.

And those are two very different things.

You can have beautiful braids while your hair underneath is desperately dry.

You can wear a wig and think you’re protecting your hair while neglecting your scalp.

You can install extensions with the intention of giving your hair a break and still experience breakage if the installation is too tight or the takedown is too rough.

Protective styling isn’t automatically protective.

The care you give your hair before, during, and after the style matters just as much as the style itself.

Then I Became Serious About My Natural Hair

By the time I entered my thirties, something changed.

I became much more intentional about my hair.

I started paying attention to what worked and what didn’t.

Instead of simply trying to make my hair look good for the day, I started thinking about what would help me maintain the health of my hair over months and years.

That was when I really began to understand the difference between hair growth and length retention.

Hair grows from the follicle.

But the length you see is the length you successfully keep.

You can have perfectly normal hair growth occurring at your scalp while simultaneously losing length from your ends through breakage.

Think about it this way.

If your hair grows, but you’re breaking off the same amount you’re growing, visually, it can look like your hair isn’t growing at all.

That’s what makes length retention so frustrating.

You may actually be making progress that you simply can’t see.

What Is the Difference Between Hair Growth and Length Retention?

Hair growth is what happens at the scalp.

Length retention is what happens after that growth occurs.

Once your hair grows out of the scalp, you have to keep that hair intact if you want to see your overall length increase.

For many people with natural hair, especially tightly coiled hair, that can be challenging.

The ends of our hair are older than the hair closest to our scalp. They’ve experienced more washing, styling, manipulation, friction, environmental exposure, heat, and chemical processing.

And if those ends aren’t cared for properly, they can become weak and break.

So when you’re asking:

“Why is my natural hair growing but not getting longer?”

the answer may have very little to do with your scalp.

It may have everything to do with what’s happening to your ends.

Breakage May Be Cancelling Out Your Growth

For years, I thought length was mostly about growth.

I wanted my hair to grow faster.

I wanted longer hair.

I wanted to finally get beyond that collarbone-length plateau.

But eventually I realized I needed to think less about forcing growth and more about protecting the hair I already had.

Breakage can come from so many places.

Aggressive detangling.

Excessive manipulation.

Dryness.

Heat.

Chemical processing.

Tight hairstyles.

Rough takedowns.

Constantly restyling your hair.

Even something as simple as the way you handle your hair during wash day can make a difference over time.

And when you’re dealing with Type 4 hair, there’s another challenge: shrinkage.

My hair can look dramatically shorter depending on how I wear it.

That means sometimes I’m not actually seeing the length I’ve retained because my curls and coils are drawing the hair upward.

This is one reason I don’t think we should judge our hair progress solely by what it looks like on any given day.

Shedding and Breakage Are Not the Same Thing

This distinction became especially important for me after experiencing postpartum hair shedding three times.

Postpartum shedding can be especially difficult when you’ve already spent years trying to retain length.

You finally feel like you’re making progress, and then suddenly you’re seeing more hair coming out.

It can be alarming.

It can make you question your entire routine.

And it can make you feel as though all the work you’ve put into your hair has disappeared overnight.

But shedding and breakage aren’t the same thing.

Shedding happens when a hair completes its growth cycle and falls from the root. Breakage happens when the hair shaft snaps somewhere along its length.

One simple way to think about it is to look at the strand you’re losing. A shed strand will generally be a complete strand, sometimes with a small bulb at one end. Broken hair is usually shorter and doesn’t represent the entire strand.

Of course, hair loss can have many causes, and if you’re experiencing sudden, excessive, or persistent shedding, it’s worth talking with a healthcare professional rather than assuming your hair routine is responsible.

For me, postpartum shedding became another reminder that my hair wasn’t going to follow one predictable path forever.

My body changed.

My hair changed.

My routine had to change too.

Shrinkage Can Make You Think Your Hair Isn’t Growing

If you have Type 4 hair, you already know this one.

Shrinkage can be both beautiful and incredibly deceptive.

One day your hair can look significantly longer because it’s stretched, and another day it can appear several inches shorter simply because you’ve washed it and allowed your natural texture to contract.

That doesn’t mean you lost length overnight.

It means your hair has a different shape.

This is why I think it’s helpful to occasionally assess your hair when it’s stretched rather than judging your progress entirely from your everyday hairstyle.

If you are tracking your length, take photographs under similar conditions.

Don’t compare a stretched photograph from one year to a shrunken photograph from another.

And don’t let shrinkage convince you that your hair isn’t growing.

Your curls aren’t hiding your progress from you.

They’re just doing what curls do.

Your Ends Are Where Length Retention Happens

If your goal is long natural hair, you eventually have to become very interested in your ends.

Your ends are the oldest part of your hair.

They have been through everything.

Every wash.

Every detangling session.

Every hairstyle.

Every time you’ve slept without protecting your hair.

Every time you’ve used heat.

Every time you’ve worn a hat, scarf, coat, or sweater that rubbed against them.

And if your hair has ever been chemically treated or colored, those ends may have experienced even more stress.

This doesn’t mean you need to obsess over your ends or constantly trim them.

It means you need to handle them intentionally.

Keep them conditioned.

Avoid unnecessary manipulation.

Pay attention to split ends and excessive single-strand knots.

And don’t wait until your ends are severely damaged before you start caring about them.

Length retention is built from the bottom up.

At 39, I’m Realizing My Hair Needs Have Changed

I’m 39 now, and one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that I can’t necessarily care for my hair the same way I did in my twenties.

That doesn’t mean that suddenly everything falls apart after 35.

It means that our lives change, and our routines need to evolve with us.

I have different priorities now.

I’m more conscious about damage.

I’m more intentional about conditioning.

I’m more aware of how much manipulation my hair can handle.

I’m less interested in constantly changing my routine because of whatever product happens to be trending.

And I’m much more interested in consistency.

I want healthy hair that I can actually maintain.

I don’t want to spend hours doing my hair every few days just to say I have long hair.

I want length that I can keep.

Chemical Color Also Played a Role in My Journey

My hair has also been chemically colored.

And now it isn’t.

That change has given me an interesting opportunity to compare how my hair behaves when I’m not chemically processing it for color.

I’m not someone who believes that coloring your hair automatically means you can’t have long, healthy natural hair. Plenty of women successfully color their natural hair.

But chemical processing is still something to consider when you’re struggling with length retention, particularly when it’s combined with heat, dryness, manipulation, or other sources of stress on the hair.

For me, being able to step away from chemical color has made me more aware of the condition of my hair.

I’m paying attention to how it feels.

How it behaves after washing.

How easily it detangles.

How my ends look.

How much manipulation it can tolerate.

Those observations tell me much more than simply looking at the length.

Dryness Can Make Length Retention Harder

One of the biggest things I pay attention to now is moisture.

Not because I believe you need to constantly apply products to your hair, but because dry, fragile hair is not what I want when my goal is length retention.

My goal is hair that feels flexible and conditioned enough to handle normal manipulation without constantly snapping.

That means paying attention to my wash routine, conditioning properly, using products that work for my hair, and avoiding the temptation to pile product onto my hair simply because it feels dry.

Sometimes the solution isn’t another styling product.

Sometimes your hair is telling you that it needs a better wash-day routine.

Consistent Washing Matters Too

This is one area where my earlier hair journey was very different from where I am now.

I used to have a more sporadic relationship with wash day.

Now I understand that cleansing isn’t something I should avoid simply because I’m trying to retain length.

My scalp needs to be cared for, and my hair needs to be cleansed and conditioned regularly.

The exact frequency will depend on the person.

Someone who exercises frequently, has an oily scalp, uses a lot of styling products, or has specific scalp concerns may need a different schedule than someone who has a dry scalp and uses very little product.

The goal isn’t to follow someone else’s wash schedule perfectly.

It’s to find a routine that keeps your scalp comfortable and your hair manageable.

Your Detangling Routine Could Be Stealing Your Length

This is one area where I’ve become much more careful.

If you’ve ever watched tightly coiled hair disappear into a sink during detangling, you know how discouraging it can feel.

But detangling doesn’t have to be a battle.

I prefer working in sections and making sure my hair has enough slip before trying to remove tangles.

I also try not to rush.

The goal isn’t to get every tangle out as quickly as possible.

The goal is to remove tangles while putting as little unnecessary stress on the hair as possible.

That small shift in mindset makes a difference.

Because when your goal is length retention, gentle handling matters.

Protective Styles Can Help—But They Aren’t Magic

I’ve worn plenty of protective styles throughout my life.

Wigs.

Braids.

Extensions.

And I’ve learned that the word “protective” doesn’t mean you can stop caring for your hair.

A good protective style should reduce unnecessary manipulation.

It shouldn’t create a new source of damage.

If your braids are painfully tight, they’re not helping your hair.

If you’re leaving a style in for an excessive amount of time without caring for your scalp or hair, you’re not necessarily protecting anything.

If you rip through your hair during takedown, you’ve undone some of the benefit of the style.

Protective styling is a tool.

It’s not a substitute for hair care.

Stop Changing Your Routine Every Time You Don’t See Results

This is something I wish I had understood much earlier.

Hair is slow.

Really slow.

You can change your shampoo today and you’re not going to wake up next week with three inches of new hair.

You can start deep conditioning and immediately feel that your hair is softer, but softness isn’t the same thing as instant length.

Length retention is something you need to evaluate over time.

Constantly changing products makes it difficult to understand what’s actually working.

Instead of asking whether something produced dramatic results in two weeks, I think it’s more useful to ask:

Does my hair feel healthier?

Am I experiencing less breakage?

Are my ends staying intact?

Is my scalp comfortable?

Is my hair easier to detangle?

Those changes may be much more meaningful than seeing an inch of growth on a measuring tape.

What I’m Doing Differently Now

After spending nearly eight years around collarbone length, I’m approaching my hair differently.

I’m not obsessed with making it grow faster.

I’m focused on retaining what grows.

I’m washing my hair consistently.

I’m paying attention to my scalp.

I’m conditioning.

I’m being more careful with detangling.

I’m limiting unnecessary manipulation.

I’m protecting my ends.

I’m being more thoughtful about heat.

And I’m paying attention to how my hair responds instead of assuming that a routine that worked for someone else will automatically work for me.

I’m also learning to be patient.

That’s probably one of the hardest lessons.

Because when you’ve spent years wanting longer hair, you want results immediately.

You want to look in the mirror and suddenly see inches of progress.

But healthy hair growth doesn’t work that way.

Length retention is cumulative.

The little things you do consistently can matter more than the dramatic things you do occasionally.

My Natural Hair Length-Retention Checklist

If you’re wondering where to start, I’d keep it simple.

1. Take a realistic look at your ends.
Are they breaking, splitting, or constantly tangling?

2. Pay attention to your scalp.
A comfortable, well-maintained scalp should be part of your overall routine.

3. Build a consistent wash routine.
Don’t avoid washing because you think cleansing will stop your hair from growing.

4. Condition regularly.
Find conditioning products that help your hair stay manageable and reduce unnecessary breakage.

5. Be gentle when detangling.
Work in sections and use enough slip.

6. Reduce unnecessary manipulation.
Your hair doesn’t need to be restyled every day.

7. Be thoughtful about heat and chemical processing.
Neither automatically prevents long hair, but both can contribute to damage when not managed carefully.

8. Protect your ends.
The oldest part of your hair deserves attention.

9. Don’t confuse shrinkage with lack of growth.
Stretch your hair occasionally if you want a clearer picture of your actual length.

10. Give your routine time.
You cannot measure meaningful length retention from a few wash days.

Frequently Asked Questions About Hair Growth and Length Retention

Why is my natural hair growing but not getting longer?

Your hair may be growing normally at the scalp while you’re losing length through breakage. Dryness, excessive manipulation, heat, chemical processing, tight styles, rough detangling, and damaged ends can all make it difficult to retain length.

How do I retain length on Type 4 hair?

Focus on gentle handling, consistent cleansing and conditioning, reducing unnecessary manipulation, protecting your ends, and minimizing sources of damage. Protective styles can help, but they should not create excessive tension or replace regular hair care.

How long does it take to see natural hair growth?

Hair grows gradually, so visible progress takes time. Individual growth rates vary, and how quickly you see additional length also depends on how effectively you’re retaining that growth.

Why does my hair look the same length for years?

If your hair grows but breaks at a similar rate, your overall length may remain relatively unchanged. Shrinkage can also make it difficult to see the actual length of tightly coiled hair.

Does hair stop growing after 35?

No. Turning 35 doesn’t automatically mean your hair stops growing. However, your hair, body, lifestyle, and hair-care needs can change over time. Paying attention to your scalp, hair condition, shedding, and breakage becomes increasingly important as your routine evolves.

I’m Finally Looking at My Hair Differently

For a long time, I thought my hair was failing me.

I wondered why I couldn’t retain length like other natural-haired women. I wondered why I seemed to keep returning to the same collarbone-length point. I wondered whether my hair was simply incapable of getting longer.

Now I understand my journey differently.

My hair has been through a lot.

Years of not knowing how to properly care for it.

Relaxers.

Wigs.

Extensions.

Braids.

Inconsistent washing.

A dandruff-prone scalp.

Postpartum shedding three times.

Chemical color.

Heat.

And years of learning through trial and error.

That’s not failure.

That’s a history.

And now, at 39, I’m finally learning how to work with the hair I actually have rather than constantly wishing it behaved differently.

Maybe your hair journey looks different from mine.

Maybe you’ve never chemically processed your hair.

Maybe you’ve always had a consistent routine.

Maybe you’ve experienced postpartum shedding.

Maybe you’re dealing with breakage from heat or protective styling.

Or maybe you’ve simply been frustrated because your hair seems to have stopped growing.

Before you give up on your length goals, take another look.

Your hair might be growing.

You might just need to get better at keeping it.

And after eight years of being stuck around collarbone length, that’s the lesson I’m taking with me into this next chapter of my natural hair journey.