Sandy Esprit

Growing up, I never felt like I was doing enough at home. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed like nothing I did was ever good enough. I was constantly seeking my mother’s approval, especially when it came to chores. I’d clean the house, wash the dishes, and fold the laundry, all in the hope that she’d notice and give me that nod of approval. But when it didn’t come, I felt a deep sense of inadequacy and resentment.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how much those childhood experiences have shaped the way I navigate my relationships, especially my marriage.

The Struggle for Perfection and Approval

Those feelings of never doing enough didn’t just disappear when I grew up. Instead, they seeped into my adult life, particularly in my marriage. I found myself striving for perfection in my home, feeling like I had to do it all by myself. I struggled to accept help because, deep down, I felt that needing help meant I wasn’t capable or that I’d somehow failed.

But this drive for perfection often led to feelings of resentment. When my husband didn’t offer to help, I’d feel hurt and angry, even though I hadn’t asked for his assistance. It was a cycle that left me exhausted and emotionally drained. I was carrying the weight of my childhood trauma into my marriage, and it was taking a toll on both of us.

Seeking Help and Healing Through Therapy

Recognizing that I needed help was one of the hardest steps I’ve ever taken. Admitting that I couldn’t do it all, that I was struggling under the pressure of my own expectations, was incredibly difficult. But I knew that if I wanted to have a healthy, loving relationship with my husband, I had to address these deep-seated issues.

That’s when I decided to seek the help of a therapist. Therapy has been transformative for my well-being. It’s been a space where I can unpack those childhood wounds and understand how they’re affecting my present. I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask for help, that it doesn’t make me any less capable or worthy.

Through therapy, I’ve also worked on communicating better with my husband. I’ve learned to express my needs and feelings more openly, rather than expecting him to read my mind or know what I’m struggling with. This has brought us closer and helped me let go of some of that resentment I’d been holding onto for so long.

The Power of Being Kind to Myself

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned through this journey is the power of being kind to myself. I’m learning to let go of the unrealistic expectations I’ve set for myself and to recognize that it’s okay to be imperfect. I’m also learning to celebrate the small victories, to acknowledge that I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.

Childhood trauma can have a profound impact on our adult lives, but it doesn’t have to define us. By seeking help and being willing to heal, we can transform our relationships and ourselves. Therapy has been a crucial part of my healing journey, and I’m grateful for the ways it’s helped me grow and become a better version of myself.

If you find yourself struggling with similar feelings, know that you’re not alone, and that help is available. Healing is possible, and it can lead to a more fulfilling and loving life.