Sandy Esprit

Hi there! I want to start off by saying thank you so very much for joining me here. I know that you could be doing anything and you are here. I appreciate that a lot. Just to let you know that this post may contain affiliates links. If you want to support me as a content creator, by all means purchase through the links provided in the post. You will never pay more, but you may save some money. At the same time, I will get a small commission. It’s a win-win for us both.

Here is my moment of truth, I don’t know what I’m doing. In social media or in real life, I’m just winging it day by day. I have an idea of what I want to do and how I want to spend my days. I know that I have a set number of chores that I want to get done so that my family can live in a home that is free of harm and toxicity. I know that I want to grow and thrive as a mother, wife, content creator, etc. I know that I want to impact everyone around me positively but I don’t have a road map to get me to point B. I believe that’s all part of being an adult.

As I’m writing, I am currently experiencing some light form of anxiety. My chest feels heavy and my heartbeat has increased. I have just put the baby to bed and I am afraid that the baby will wake up before I’ve had a chance to even finish this post. I don’t know if she will sleep through the night. Maybe she’ll wake up every two hours like she did last week.

Right as this thought runs through my head, I worry about the business deal that I’m going to have to present. I worry that I won’t be able to articulate to my investors why they should buy into this vision. Maybe they won’t be able to understand how it benefits them as much as it does me. I won’t let fear stop me but I do worry about being rejected.

I worry that despite all the research that I’ve done to unlearn the toxic traits from my childhood, my weaknesses may prevent me from being the wife my husband deserve and the mother my children need. I’ve been blessed with a beautiful and I’ve read and researched the best way to parent so that my kids won’t feel neglected and/or unloved. I’ve tried to implement the tools given to me but I still fail and come short more often than I would like.

As a content creator I worry that I am not effective. I worry that I’m not engaging and/or relatable. I wonder if I’m able to provide a service to my peers and communicate words of encouragement, wisdom and affirmations that ignite a desire for us all to succeed. I wonder if I’m doing this “influencer” thing right. I have the following but I can’t seem to do it like the others..

At the root of it all, I know I worry because I compare myself to others. I’m afraid of not being as “cool” as the others. I know I don’t have all the answers. I know my shortcomings and no matter how many “likes” I get, I secretly feel as though I will be seen what I lack instead of what I have. Maybe that’s imposter syndrome I don’t know.

The truth is I don’t know what I’m doing. But does anybody really know how to operate life? Isn’t that the point of living? To figure it out along the way and to enjoy every moment. What if there isn’t anything to figure out? What if we’re just here to do the best we can, the way we can?

I don’t know the answers to these questions…and that’s ok.