Sandy Esprit

Hey THERE! I’m so glad you made it to my page.

I’m not famous or anything. I wanted to be but it didn’t work out in my favour.

I’m a mother on maternity leave fighting against the hands of time desperately praying for a miracle.

What miracle, you ask?

I don’t want to go back to work. I want to stay home and raise my baby. Babies, if the Lord permits.

But it wasn’t always that way. In fact, I’m the last person who would be in this position…

Exactly a year ago, I was at work. Content with my life. My husband was at home, “nesting” on my behalf.

I was at work, 7 months pregnant, anticipating the arrival of my baby. I was anxious to say the least. I didn’t know how I would cope, if I could cope.

I pictured myself to be a modern 21 century wife. I was working at my job, working as a songwriter and demoing songs for a producer, modelling part time and being a productive wife to my husband. I was doing it all. Just like Beyonce, without the nannies, the hit records, the glam squad and the cheating husband.

I was not going to be tied down to what society or my mother thought of my lifestyle. I was living MY life. Mind you, I hated the fact that I was a living a life I ultimately didn’t find fulfilling but at least I looked good doing it.

#selfie #goals #lies

It’s terrible that we can be so lost looking good that we miss out on feeling good. It’s like living without drawing in that breath.

Then she came and by she I mean the most amazing and most awesome girl I have ever laid eyes on. She is my love manifested, my hope realized my joy complete (I know I’m exaggerating but one day she may read this blog).

She challenges to be better and aspire greater. She makes want to get up in the mornings. Also I have to get up in the mornings or else

…if you’re a mother you know. She became my friend and an extension of my soul. She allowed me to transition into this new found, upgraded version of myself and caused me to love me even more.

I’m not sure how it happened but it did.

Just trust me.

So here we are. She 10 months old and in 2 months I am expected to go back to work.

This isn’t 1958 and so my husband doesn’t make enough to support us all financially.

Mind you even if it was 1958, we’d be facing different struggles but it’s a different matter for a different blog altogether.

The cost of living is high. Welfare isn’t an option. I can’t operate a daycare where I live. My side hustle isn’t bringing any money. Once my leave is over, that’s it.

I’m grateful for the time I get to be with her. It allows me to be with me. To be honest I’m super dope. A little neurotic but still I’m amazing. But being amazing isn’t enough.

My pastor told me last week of how heartbreaking it was for him to go to work. His son would cry restlessly for 10 minutes, 10 whole minutes!

My heart broke just picturing the scene.

My mother pretty much told me to buck up and deal with it.

Let’s just say I’ve yet to buck up.

I have faith that something will turn around and everything will work out.

Maybe it won’t be as bad as I fear. Maybe I’ll win the lottery. Maybe I’ll get that record deal I’ve been working so hard go get. Maybe I’ll be able to find a job that allows me to work from home.

I’m just hoping because that’s all I got left…

hope.

If your a mom who’s dealt with going back to work please let me know how you transitioned?

Also keep me in your prayers as this is a very real issue for me

xoxo