Sandy Esprit

I will not die; instead, I will live to tell what the Lord has done.

Psalms 118:17

Be careful of the rabbit hole. It’s a warning from one who’s quite experienced with the rabbit hole. I absolutely hate that hole. It’s dark, gloomy and can get quite comfortable. Ironic, isn’t it? Let me explain…

I have (and still am) always wanted to be a successful singer-songwriter and within the last few years I have worked really hard to improve on my craft. I have done all that I know how to do to be good enough. Ever since I was a little girl I knew that my destiny involved healing people through music. I was a healer and my powers came through music. I knew and no one could tell me different, though they did. I heard it all the time. “You can’t do it, it’s not a career.  You can’t do it, you don’t look like a star. You can’t do it, you don’t sound like a star. You can’t do it.”

Eventually they stopped saying it, I started saying it to myself. I didn’t recognize my own voice but the proof was in my actions. “I can’t do it, I have to my high school diploma. I can’t do it, my mother will never approve. I can’t do it, I got to get my university degree. I can’t do it, or they won’t like me. I can’t do it, I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how. I’m getting married. I don’t want to be better than him and have him resent me. I’m having a baby. My baby needs me. I have to get the house. My baby needs a stable home…I can’t do it.”

Slowly I began to get angry.  I started blaming those around me for the choices I made. I called it sacrifices. I sacrificed for them and it brought me nothing. I invested in them instead of me and I have no return  on my investment. Absolutely nothing! 

A malignant tumour had formed in the pit of my soul, slowly chipping away at my very super power. Until I grew powerless.  The perfect kryptonite was created by me just for me. Meanwhile, people have asked me about my imminent album that always seems to get pushed off. I don’t have an answer for them. I still don’t. I know I need to start so that I can live again. Not go through the motions but actually live. People need healing. These people are waiting on me.